To FLAME the passion of life, we may do well in focusing on the process (F) and not so much the results, to listen (L) to the deeper melody of their heartstrings and to affirm (A) the not too obvious qualities of our children.
They thrive when we affirm their positive characters or as the Bible puts it, we are made in the image of God. God's character is loving, compassionate, forgiving, persevering, faithful, fair, just, merciful, joyful, creative, etc. Whenever we catch our children exhibiting these qualities in any shape or form, we bless them with words of recognition, acts of appreciation, and gestures of pride. Children tend to give more when they hear us affirming them. All children want their parents to be proud of them.
I once heard that affirmation is like saving money. The account grew with daily appreciation in words or actions, and when the needs arise for withdrawal, there will be plenty to go around to build up the fragile self.
Affirming our children does not mean we stop correcting and rebuking. When we build up first, then those words of correction will sink in better. Try it.
Tougher yet is to affirm ourselves when we tend to beat up on our own failings and weaknesses. Affirming oneself requires a gentle and accepting stance towards the fragility of life. It takes courage to work with the raw materials of emotions and struggles. We can say to ourselves, "it's alright, I am ok."
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