Proactive listening is to listen beyond the content and the words.
Listening well usually involves four levels:
First, we usually listen to the content and respond quickly to try to solve the problem.
However, most issues require further in-depth explorations. An example: "I did not do well." A possible response, "what subject? or what did you get?" This kind of exchange may bring about more frustrations and achieve the opposite results.
Second, we listen empathically and respond to the emotions behind us. Most people want to be understood. This involves more than thoughts, and we can hear the emotions that drive it. An example: "I did not do well." "You seem to be frustrated and upset about it." This kind of interaction may bring about feeling understood and accepted.
Third, we listen to the needs behind that drive the intensity of the emotions or the cold front encountered that serves as a defense against further disappointment. An example: "I did not do well." "You seem to be frustrated, and you wanted to do well. You wonder whether you could have done something about it." or "You are upset. You were afraid to tell me because you feel that I might scold you." This kind of exchange touches a deeper part of us that needs security and acceptance.
Fourth, we listen. We may hear the aspirations or potentials of a passionate soul beaming with dreams. An example: "I did not do well." "You are upset, and you try to do well, but the results disappointed you. You wanted me to feel proud, and you have struggled to do better this time." "You desire to do better, but you do not know what went wrong. You want to find a solution but feel inadequate." This kind of interaction goes further into self-expectations, aspirations, and hopes.
As we listen well, we gain trust and the right to explore further to brainstorm, do problem-solving, and collaborate on changes.
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