Mutual respect may be difficult when we as parents view our kids as immature and needing to "be corrected." We detect inadequacies and weaknesses in their behaviors and ways of thinking. This deficit model does not command respect nor appreciation.
The concept of an emerging "Self" may help us respect our maturing progeny. When a young child practices her first word, "No," takes his first big step, or grabs her first handful of food, she becomes an independent individual. This newfound sense of initiative, choice, and freedom brings excitement and joy. This newfound sense of "I" brings about the experience of consequence. "I" can say "No," "I" feel achieved and not discouraged. "I" can take a step, "I" am ok and not feel inadequate. "I" can grab things, put them in my mouth, and feel good.
Theologically speaking, this emerging "Self" is the little "I" in the universe. Little "I" is the image of God with God's creativity, compassion, and character (the asset model). This little "I" is distorted (sin affected) and needs to grow in a respectful environment. Little "I" learn to respect the biggest "I" through the nurturing of the bigger parental "I" (parents who practice respect at home will help our children to perceive God as loving rather than judging). Through mutual respect, the little "I" learn to listen through the experience of being listened to. The little "I" learn to express emotions and thoughts by parents who create the time and space to listen. The little "I" learn to assert their own needs and respect others' needs.
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