1.
Familiarize
with the ways that sudden changes or crisis affect a family
Each member responds differently. Younger
children may experience nightmares, throwing tantrums, and become more clingy
than before. School-age children may become
more competitive, aggressive, and uncooperative.
Teenagers may exhibit behavioral problems, refuse to go to school, and
feeling depressed. Some adults may
become very busy organizing things, expressing frustration, and others may withdraw
and complain a lot. Most people will be
able to process what’d happened after months.
Some may require extra support from professionals.
2.
Provide
safety and security
Members of the family, especially
children, will need a familiar environment, comfort food, blankets, stuff
animals, favorite books, music, calming activities, and familiar people to feel
safe. Teenagers may need their friends
and familiar adults to provide a sense of safety. Familiar adults may give pertinent
information, comforting words, and physical hugs to create a secure bond in a time
of abrupt change.
3.
Create
time to listen and understand
Children and teenagers alike need to
express the complexity of their emotions.
Some emotions may be so intense that they find it surprising and
fearful. An adult who listens well will reflect a sense of normality and acceptance of these maturing
experiences. Ask open-ended questions.
Refrain from teaching. Listen to the
emotions beneath the spoken words.
Affirm and appreciate.
4.
Respect
silence, space, and choice
It’s ok any members do not want to
talk. Some kids may not know how to
express themselves, so observe their drawings or play.
This is how they express their emotions and thoughts. They may need some space, and we offer them choices. This will enhance
their sense of control in times of losing control. Crisis robs a deep sense of safety and
control. Allow them time to play and get
distracted. Create time to quiet down
and pray with them.
5.
Reduce
exposure to bad news
Limit the amount of bad news for
younger children. Observe how they
process the information as you share it with children. For teenagers, they may
want the full picture to satisfy their sense of control. Talk straight with teens as they may be straightforward in their opinions and emotions.
Allow questions, reflections, emotions, and strong opinions to be
expressed. Always provide reassurance of
safety, security, and a strong sense of presence.
6.
Create
a circle of love
Develop a group of people that the
family can call upon to get support.
People who are compassionate, able to listen well, and non-judgemental.
Friends of your children, their parents, relatives, neighbors, colleagues,
long-time friends, religious leaders, professionals are all important people to
form this circle of love. They may be
able to walk through the frustrating and difficult times with us in showing
care and support.
7.
Familiarize
with the process of normal grief
Individuals grieve differently. After the initial reactions to crisis and
things become normal again, family members may experience a sense of
emptiness and sadness. The initial
reactions of numbing, busyness, and shock are over. Children and teenagers may experience anger
and frustration. They act aggressive, or some may withdraw. Others feel guilt and remorse, struggling
with moving on. It’s so important to
have trusted adults listening and walking alongside the journey of
bereavement. The heavy emotions will
subside and may resurface during the first or second anniversary, depending on
the loss's strength. Grieve bravely
and talk to someone. It’s ok to be
upset, angry, feel deeply, cry, and feel frustrated. It’s normal, and it takes time to heal. Time only helps those who grieve. Time stands still for those who hide their
feelings. The repressed feelings will
become a time bomb one day.
8.
Be
prepared to handle fears, anger, guilt, worries, and sadness
Children may need to sleep with
adults when in fears. They require
special attention in expressing anger.
Teens may experience survival guilt if their peers died in an accident, and they survive. Or they may feel guilty
for not doing enough to change the situation that had happened. Children tend to have nightmares and express
their worries through tears and clingy behaviors. Sad feelings need to be expressed and
heard. Adults who listen empathically
will access the sadness, anger, guilt, worries, and fears.
9.
Adjust
daily routine
Make allowance for our children and
teens in their daily schedules to have extra time to get out of bed, talking
when their emotions overwhelm, take breaks when they struggle to focus. Spend time to play more. Listen more, eat, and pray together.
10.
Monitor
progress & take care of yourself
Be aware of your family members’
emotional state daily. Identify their
needs beneath their words. Note their
eating habits, exercise amount, energy level, quantity, and quality of
sleep. When in doubt, always consult a
professional. Watch out for your own capacity
and the amount of rest. You are just as
important as anyone else in the family. Take great care of your mind, body, and spirit.
Comments
Post a Comment